Story Time!

Following is part of an application for an interest house here at Carleton.  I left in the question as to perhaps make the story I'm sharing make a little more sense.  Sorry the formatting may be a little funky.

1.     Imagine you’re in the Alaskan backcountry and you suddenly find yourself between a vast gorge with roaring waterfalls and an angry polar bear/grizzly bear hybrid with two cubs.  Either side looks like certain death, whether by plummeting through water and onto sharp rocks or being eaten by some crazed product of global warming.  You have the following:

 i)            old school union suit long johns (indicate color and/or patterns)

 ii)            an “amber waves of grain” color crayon

 iii)            an electric nose hair trimmer

 iv)            the original screenplay to Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Ernest”

 v)            a black and white photo of your Polish great-uncle, summiting one of the 14 tallest peaks in the world in winter (indicate which peak and why).

 vi)            your most prized collection of Star Wars action figures.

 vii)            How do you escape?

 

Like all of the other times I find myself in these situations, I first ask WWJD?  “Jesus? Really?” you might ask, “Jesus can’t save you from certain death (though he can save you after said certain death).  To which I would respond that while Jesus is just all right with me, the “J” I consider is my great-uncle Jerzy.  Jerzy Kukuczka is my most badass relation, a Polish climber who has actually summited all of the 14 tallest peaks in the world.  I carry around a picture of his summit of Dhaulagiri in the winter of 1985 as it was the first winter ascent of the mountain just for situations like this when I need the courage. 

So back to the Alaskan backcountry, I look to Uncle Jerzy who imparts with his ever-photogenic eyes that if I manage to survive this predicament, I’d deserve my face on a postage stamp much more than he did.  Luckily, I had recently received the most recent issue of the BEARS magazine I subscribe to, which had an article on polar bear/grizzly bear hybrids.  The only thing I could remember from the article was that before these crazy hybrids reach sexual maturity, they happen to be literate.  Good thing I have that Oscar Wilde screenplay!  It was to be my reading for the plane ride home, but seeing as there may be no plane ride home, I considered it no loss.  Thankfully, the two cubs had not yet read The Importance of Being Ernest and were captivated by Mr. Wilde’s handiwork. 

That still left me with Mama Hybrid.  I reached into the deep pockets of my long johns emblazoned with the Union Jack (a hand me down from Uncle Jerzy- him being Polish, I never understood the Union Jack, but he died when I was but a wee infant so I guess I’ll never know) to see what I had to work with.  Time was getting short as Mama Hybrid advanced, and the crayon, nose hair trimmer, and Star Wars action figures I found in my hands did not look promising.  I chuck the nose hair trimmer over the fall because, honestly, what kind of self-respecting person owns an electric nose hair trimmer?  Plus, this one actually needed to be plugged in, and I saw no outlets on the waterfall, though I’m sure if I got close enough to the bear, she could power a thousand nose hair trimmers.  The nose hair trimmer has already been dashed by the rocks below (in a way I am sure to follow), so it’s a moot point debating its usefulness at this point.

The rest of my escape remains a bit of a blur to me, as the polar/grizzly came at me with such dexterity on the slippery rocks and in moving water, it was fruitless for me to intervene.  The reason it was such a blur is that I don’t quite believe what I remember happening.  What I do remember is being swallowed whole and, upon reaching the belly of the bear, the stomach acids reacted with my Star Wars figures and brought them to life.  They were not too happy to be inside this creature, so with the help of the light sabers, we broke out of the stomach and found ourselves in a field of grain.  Suspiciously, my crayon had disappeared and some patriotic tune was stuck in my head.  Han Solo bid me farewell for the lot of them and my now alive Star Wars action figures disappeared.

Glad to be alive, I returned home through weeks of hiking and hitch-hiking.

 viii)            What would you cook as a victory dinner once you’re back at the house?

            I would most likely cook a nice pesto pizza with tomatoes, from scratch of course.  The tomatoes would probably spell out some sort of phrase reminding those who are partaking in my cooking just how hard core I am from dominating that certain death situation.

ix)           Would you wash your own dishes afterwards?

           Yes I would, because even if you just suffered a near-death experience, dishes in the sink stink (quite literally if they’re there long enough).

x)            How good are your dish balancing abilities, when placing breakable ceramic wares atop an unstable 3 foot high mangle of plates and pots?  (i.e. what architectural masterpiece will you construct?)

If the way in which I balanced my senses when dealing with the horrors of global warming (aka that “bear”) showed you nothing, then rest assured I am a pro at dish balancing.  The architectural masterpieces I can make with dishes will leave one awed and frankly, afraid to add one’s own dish without putting a few away.  If they were to resemble any sort of famous architecture, they would resemble the Great Pyramids surrounded by the remains of the Coliseum with the Leaning Tower of Pisa gracing the top.

Thanks J.Mad and A.Ham

Re: your reasons for upholding Prop. 8 as expressed in this San Francisco Chronicle article.

Dear Mr. Kenneth Starr,

You are confused about the role of the judiciary branch of the government.  If judges were put into place to, as you say "to bow to the will of those whom they serve," we wouldn't have much need for them.  True, judges are "servants of the people" and to quote James Madison, "the people are the only legitimate fountain of power."   Madison also said that the judiciary has the duty to "guard one part of the society against the injustice of the other part."  In simpler terms, Mr. Starr, the Judiciary branch protects minority rights.  Our founding fathers believed that there are times when the majority can be swept away by passions and act on those instead of on reason.  The Constitution and the Judiciary branch work to protect all of the people and all of their individual rights, for ours is a government of the people for the people, and that includes minorities.

Despite our founding fathers insisting on the importance of protecting minority rights, you might be thinking, why? Many decisions of a democracy like ours is decided by a majority ruling.  Madison said it much better than I could: "In a society under the forms of which the stronger faction can readily unite and oppress the weaker, anarchy may as truly be said to reign as in a state of nature, where the weaker individual is not secured against the violence of the stronger."  Alexander Hamilton also made the point that "no man can be sure that he may not be tomorrow the victim of a spirit of injustice, by which he may be a gainer todays."  In  other words, there will be a day when you are part of the minority and with be thankful you live in a democracy such as ours which protects your individual rights despite a majority against you.

I leave you with one last sentiment from Madison.  "The private interest of every individual may be a sentinel over the public trust."

Sincerely,

A concerned citizen of California who has faith in the system yet.

Throwing our Shoes

You've probably seen this video by now...a few points below.

1. Bush ducks, but gets back up in time for the second shot. I would have hit the floor and stayed down.
2. Wait, Bush ducked? That's right, he's got some good reflexes, actually.
3. Cameras, not guns were drawn on the shoe-throwing journalist. Is that because the press conference was safe, and no guns were in the room, or because everyone was more concerned about getting the hot picture than safety?

Reason #17 Why the song "Baby It's Cold Outside" is not a family friendly Holiday Song

So really I'd better scurry 

(beautiful please don't hurry)

well maybe just a half a drink more

(put some records on while I pour)

the neighbors might think

(baby it's bad out there)

say what's in this drink

(no cabs to be had out there)

I wish I knew how

(your eyes are like starlight now)

to break this spell

I'd say a date rape drug is "what's in this drink."

Despite the rest of the lyrics being pretty sketchy as well, I still enjoy this song.  Christmas songs in general are very pleasing to the ears.  Though not so much when it's not December.  Funny how that works.

Moral Dichotomies

When I was a kid, I used to get the magazine Highlights for Children. I don't remember much about it, except for the comic Goofus and Gallant, featured monthly. The 2-pane, captioned, strip was a snapshot into the lives of two boys, Goofus and Gallant, as they respond to the same situation. Goofus was forever doing something wrong (Goofus starts eating before others come to the table), while Gallant was a perfect child (Gallant waits for everyone to come to the table before taking food). Goofus and Gallant was my favorite part of the whole magazine, but I must confess, I remember it as a guilty pleasure. I couldn't wait to see what Goofus would do wrong next, mentally rebuking him while I read. But at the same time, I couldn't stand Gallant. Secretly, I loathed his character, waiting for him to slip up on page 6 every month. Clearly, I identified more with Goofus. He was much more interesting (how's he going to break the rules this time?), and got to wear his hair messy. Gallant was annoyingly predictable and an unwavering goody-two-shoes.

Anyway, a few other things that are interesting about this comic strip:
1. The author never explicitly states which boy is in the right. We are to infer that from their names alone. This is a bit like Galileo's use of Simplicio in his pope-angering publication, Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems, published in 1632. The character Simplico defended the Aristotelian Geocentric notion of the universe and often came across as a fool. The characters Salviati and Salgredo represented a heliocentric position and quite convincingly won the argument.
2. Goofus and Gallant have been consistent in behavior as long as the comic strip has been published, more than 50 years. Of course, this is not a realistic example for any actual person. No one is as good as Gallant, no one is as bad as Goofus. But the fact that the boys are reliable moral constants is still interesting. It is exactly the opposite of many characters in the literary world that are remembered as our most beloved. From Hamlet to Harry Potter, the tragic flaw in the hero is an essential element of their appeal. The mixture of good and bad is necessary for the story, as well as our acceptance of the character.

Read up on Goofus and Gallant here.
Follow along in a story adventure.
A quick google search will provide examples for you to peruse, as well as a few spin-offs and parodies.

Penguins, Dancing, and Watson Fellowships

Penguins and dancing have almost nothing in common, except that they are both in this post. Watson fellowships, however, could be incorporated into either of those things, hence their beauty.

Scientists discovered a breed of penguins that were thought to have vanished 500 years ago.
I wish scientists would make a similar discovery with weird fish. My favorite part of A Journey to the Center of the Earth is when they find all the prehistoric fish with no eyes, and monstery features. Too bad there's not actually a giant cavern full of fish somewhere.

This is the dance that won for West Coast Classic at 2008's SwingDiego.
If I could dance like this just once in my life, I would be content with all dancing. My favorite part happens at 50 seconds, when the follow slides on her knees with a bit of whiplash help from her lead. This move might be feasible for Social Dance Club. Hmmm...

This is the coolest use of a Watson Fellowship ever.
I met someone yesterday who was nominated for a Watson, which prompted me to read through last year's recipients and their proposed projects. I want to meet this man. I want to do his project. I suppose it might be old hat if I proposed the same thing in a couple years, huh?

Links! Pictures! Procrastination!

First off, this is one of my favorite BBC pictures of the day ever:

You celebrate, German cyclists!

But what this post is really about is the Carleton Website, which is a treasure trove of procrastination.  My favorite part is Planet Carleton, a compilation of blogs by Carleton students, faculty, and alumni.  I found it while bored at work one day and it became a habit to check it out after finishing my filing or delivering or transcript processing.  Today it led me to a live video feed of puppies.  They even make adorable puppy noises.  Thanks Aaron Kaufman.

Another reason to love the Carleton website: I get to peruse pictures including this one which is now gracing posters all over campus:

Which just goes to show, I have the most kick-ass roommate ever.  We also have a kick-ass couch.  On a slightly different note, yet not a completely irrelevant one, MGMT's Kids has been stuck in my head for the past couple of days.